Cleavage 4

Repugnant.

Brief moments ago we were one. All that was felt was that one. It was one image in time and space. There was lust. And greedily I satiated it.

Our bodies met in all magnitude. And she wasn't so real to me. Martha. The fungus feeding on my rotten flesh. Now I truly feel her. I don't feel the heat between two bodies. Now there's only me and her. And it stings my senses this awareness of an alien body attached to mine. Martha my abortion. I want to shake her off. Cut all cords. Wash my body and mind. Watching her dissolve into the water and disappear through the drain. Martha Martha Martha Martha Martha Martha Martha Martha Martha. Fuck you Martha!

Martha fucker.

Ha.

Why are we drawn to dead animals? Why do we poke them with a stick? Why do we glorify their entrails?

Is she the dead animal I wonder. Or am I the one about to die. I feel sick. In the head. I want to kick her. I want to get rid of her. I want to bag her and bury her somewhere. This is my humiliation and I should not be reminded of it anymore. I don't want her skin on mine anymore. It stinks. Stinks of sweat and no self respect.

"What are you thinking?"

What is suppose to be a tender smile seems to me an imploring stare. Take pity on me, her eyes cry out. And I want to. I want to end her misery and therefore end mine. I want to shoot her in that pathetic smile.

"Nothing."

I'm a Martha fucker. Ha. God.

"I'm so happy you came!"

Just disappear.

"It was great. You were great."

Stop scrounging for pleasantries.

"You ARE great!"

Just shut up!

Why am I smiling back at her?! I spew at my own hypocrisy. I should just end it right here. And let her have her anger. She has a right to it.

No.

No.

She doesn't!

A being so idiotic has no right to anger. That right must be taken with one's bare hands. And she hasn't got the brain for it. She can't even grasp the idea of self-respect.

Why did I come here?

"Listen, is it okay if I have a shower?"

"Of course honey. Can I come? Hm?"

That would defeat the god damn purpose of the shower now wouldn't it you stupid bitch?!

"Yeah that'd be great but I need to hurry up. I, hm, I need, I need to go. I had completely forgotten about this thing with a friend of mine."

"Oh.."

"Yeah, he's in a really shitty situation right now. Family problems, work problems, girl problems, everything basically."

"Oh, poor thing. And you're going to the rescue? You're such a sweet friend."

Are you that fucking stupid or do you think acting this naive is charming?!

"Yeah, you know. So.. Yeah, I have to hurry up."

Hurry up to the shower. To skin myself. To rinse all the foreign fluids in my body. To intoxicate the water pipes with the stench of you.